Monday, August 18, 2008
Yes. I am blogging again. Now in the midst of intense anger.
I definitely had enough of all this shit at home. The house is wrecking and I hate going home now.
I desperately think my house need some major improvements in all aspects.
1) My father has to change.
2) My mother has to be stronger.
I don't know I feel that she has to stand up for what she wants. I know there is a limit to her patience but somehow she has to take things lightly. And not go hay wire when difficulty goes a notch higher. She has to stand up. Or probably fight for justice. Whatever the case is.
I know she needs support. I hope I do give her enough. All I want her to be is to fight. Not go into a wrestle with someone. Simply fight for what you want and not be so nice to everything that comes in your way. If necessary, a fist fight would suffice.
3) My house has to be organized
No. Not neat. More of the things done at home. It seems that there are no rules or certain objective to what we do. And that applies to me too. I should posses self discipline in controlling whatever I do. I admit I have ZERO control to whatever I do. I do everything to my hearts content. And that needs to change.
My parents are all working and they have no more time for me. My mother never work when I was in primary school. No wonder its only taking the toll on me now. Hence, she had more time to spend for me and my brother back then.
During weekends, both of them would not be at home. Making me feel so out of place. Seriously. This whole thing should not go on. If not, I will die. Death will slowly creep its way and eat away the sanity left over in me.
Frankly, I have never felt so lost before. I feel as if I have no place where I truly belong. School is already excruciating enough. I keep telling myself to take it easy and do not bother about less important stuff such as blah blah blah. But I can not do it.
I see my friends leading life so care free. Wait. They have problems. Duh. However, they are less stress up over affairs at home. Maybe they do. For me, I want things at home to be smooth and steady. I yearn for peace and serenity at home. Not a place with such complex maze for me to find my way out.
Trust me. This is not an emo post.
It is more of a reflection time where tantrums are being dumped here.
I should take control of my life. And major revamp must be done. I can't live feeling not right all the time. It is just a bad feeling living inside me and it should be eradicated.
With that, I conclude. Affairs at home will affect one no matter what! Be it positive or negative. A generalisation indeed. Just believe in that for now cos its what I am experiencing.
Okay, I can smile now.
Labels: reflection
4:39 AM
NAZREEN. updated!
