Monday, June 16, 2008

I'm living the days on sheer determination of practically nothing.
Visually, its quite obvious that I am unmotivated by everything that I do. Truth is, I am still continuing this same inevitable attitude. The helpless hopeless restless self.

I've never felt this way before. Being so caught up in the past, that I neglect the present. I have to have a grip on myself now. But its way too difficult. You are gone. So are you. And you. You guys can't be all by my side all day long. Its impossible. I know. So the support has to come from me. And so does the motivation. It should and MUST be automatic. Currently, this is not the case.

Back then, I can still sense the hope and happiness and sweetness of being a student. Life's good when I have the greatest people around me. A fixed classroom, same old students. Now fucking shit. There's no such thing. Everyones mugging. I'm not. Frankly, I've never seriously mugged before except for the forced fact that I have to study for Os and maybe PSLE. The concrete truth of my secondary school is that the students are not muggers. Not a least bit for all I know. And it dawned on me that things are different and its hard to even change myself. All because I am not seasoned to books notes and those shit.

Come on. I admit.

I love singing. I love being outdoors. I love music. I love hanging out with friends.
This is me.
Well, everyone hates studying but coming to the near fact that MYE is just a few days away. Its depressing that I need a good let out.
I did some revision. A mere good revision. I covered some topics of Geography and Economics. None on Chemistry and Mathematics. Fuck those things.

No matter, I will conquer it later. Trying my hell best. I am going out later to study. I really desperately hope it will be productive. It must be or I will doom myself.
Get over this shit and I will be happy. For awhile at least.

And fuck. I had the same nightmare again. This is not happening. To hell with those dreams.
I am still living my life. I fervently pray it will never happen. Just ponder what Fate has in store for me. And I will gladly experience it with open welcoming arms. That is if it is not torturing my ass off.




Paranoia is on the loose.
Come back to the genuine reality Naz!

Labels: reality

9:52 PM

NAZREEN. updated!