Saturday, February 09, 2008

This is my 240th post.

God.

Its that fast. Time passes so swiftly that I forget almost everything that I am doing.

I am feeling emo.

As night slowly sweeps through the air, there goes my all-smiley face draining away from my physical self.

Whats with this pattern of following the time and day changing simultaneously with my mood.
And this is the first where I actually blog about what I'm feeling when I'm together as down as the night.

Maybe I am just tired.

Yesterday, I just made an inappropriate and disgusting remark of myself.
Its so irksome.
It seems as though I lost respect towards myself. The pride the respect are all gone.
I am such a freak. Having those thoughts are killing me...gradually.

What the fuck is wrong with me. Can't I have the same path planned just like you.
It can be not as confusing, as complex, as ridiculous, as sinful as it seems.
It can be as simple as ABCs.


But why this lame obstacles. Tests for me?
I do not think I can survive. I'd rather die than face reality.
How contradicting can it be when I loathe you. When I am somehow somewhat and something like you.

This is totally not happening. It isn't real.

No matter what. I cannot run away from the fact. I wake up each brand new day, battling it like I never did before. Remain strong. Face it with all my might. Do whatever it takes to be better. Far from your current state. Just leave the dirty you behind. Start afresh.


I need help. And I think I need a councilor before the day comes when I finally snaps.

**********


Ahh. I feel good after releasing all the excessive poisonous feelings away. Dump it here. Thats the good thing about getting a blog. Its your diary. Your friend who are willing to lend a listening ear relentlessly without fail (though sadly it can't reply).

Note: Dramatization is included in this post.

I am just trying out my command of English. But I still mean what I say.

For you kaypoh people out there, don't bother figuring out what I mean.
Take it as if I am mad.














Don't worry. The happy Naz will come back tomorrow. He's currently sleeping. His emo self is just here to help him blog. (:

Labels: emo

9:42 AM

NAZREEN. updated!