Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I have been feeling frequently emotional. About school. About friends.
Almost about everything. I do not know why the hell am I feeling this awkwardly.

I need to get back my cheery self back. And be happy like I always do. I do not want to have mood swings so often that I do not even mix well with my friends and giving them cold shoulders. Perhaps this is just a common period for me. Something like PMS for me.

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Its been clinging to my mind and bothering me for so long. This shift to a whole new life, band, school and friends are exposing me to so much get-used to concept. I need time to adapt to the culture and the environment.

The most disturbing thought that keeps clouding my mind is that I somehow regretted DSA-ing to band. Honestly, I love everything which is related to band. In fact I was once a so called band freak.

Come to a point where you simply lose passion and interest is real scary...which is what I am feeling right now. Probably the entire new surrounding makes me this way. I keep thinking that I do not want to continue pursuing music in JC.

Deep inside me wants to elude and play around and get active and hyper. Sweat from the heat. Laughing to the peak of fun. Yes. I wish to join another side of CCAs, far from the Performing Arts. Experience new things. I can't just stick to one and be with it forever. Things are ever-changing.

Even your heart needs a change more often than not.

However, very sadly, I could not own such freedom. I feel that this DSA ( direct school admission) is some kind of clever yet dumb system to allow such talents signing a contract with a particular school and being committed to it under many circumstances.

Live with it if you don't like it. Of course I'm partly to blame for accepting but I do have my reasons too.

I mean. Can't you also let us have the right to withdraw without a deadline. Why must be a fucking stupid deadline. Yes. I clearly know the reasons why but it sucks to be so fickle minded and being indecisive. The heart too sometimes can't be force into such things. You can't simply put the blame on us for wanting to leave a certain CCA.


FUCK. DO NOT EVER DSA TO ANY SCHOOLS! PUT YOUR BRAINS AND BRAWNS TO GOOD USE AND WORK HARD!

Any solutions? I'm going bonkers.

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Went to school today. Miss my juniors and decided to pay them a visit.



The band store.




My ex.




Oh. I so love this song. Good thing the band is playing this piece.

Labels: DSA

5:33 AM

NAZREEN. updated!